I am trying to figure out why it was so weird. And weird isn't even the best word to describe it. I just cannot put my finger on it.....
I had TONS of fun. But I also had a lot of rough times too. Sometimes the rough times happened because of the TONS of fun (e.g. getting sick and staying sick for a month because I didn't want to stop having fun).
I made some of the most wonderful friends of my life during this semester. These friends truly helped me through the rough times.
I lost my drive to do well in school. This was not helped by the general apathetic attitude that permeated the MPA program this semester. I was doing poorly, but so was everyone else so I didn't worry about it too much. Now it is reflected in my grades and I want to shoot myself.
I didn't sleep enough. This caused all sorts of crazy problems.
I forgot how to feel. Things would happen that I knew I should have been happy or sad about and I wasn't. This, I believe, is one of the outcomes of not getting enough sleep. I have always been an emotional and passionate person and I want it back.
I became self-centered. My thoughts went from focusing on others to focusing on myself. This is perhaps the worst part of it all.
Despite all this, I realized that this past semester was a huge growing period in my life. I have learned so much about myself. The biggest thing that I have learned however is this:
You MUST stay true to yourself. You HAVE to.
It is vital. When you get the thought "Maybe I should go to bed" -- GO TO BED. The MOMENT you see yourself slipping from where you want to be, you have to correct it. You CANNOT lose yourself or get caught up in the world. Because at the end of the day it is just you, in your bed, thinking about the day. Thinking about the things that happened, what you did, what you should have done, what you wish you could have done.
Don't worry. I am ok. I know what it takes to get back to where I want to be and I am already working on it. I really didn't mean to sound so depressing in this. I really am good.
Life is good. My testimony is strong. My family loves me. I have AMAZING friends. I am healthy. I have a job. I have food to eat and a warm bed to sleep in. What else could I ask for?